why i will never be on the real world

I have a penchant for really bad television, and I mean, really bad television. I've watched two seasons of The Bad Girls Club, nearly every single reality show on VH1 (including both seasons of What Chili Wants), and countless other craptastic reality shows. But what really prompted my insatiable desire was Real World Paris, the first Real World I ever saw.*

Now that I've seen a whopping NINE seasons (ten, if you include me making my way through this year's Las Vegas), I've come to the conclusion that I would never be chosen to be featured on this show for the following reasons:

1. I'm too smart. I have a degree from a decent university, graduated with a relatively high GPA, and studied English Literature. Paper credentials aside, I watch the news, listen to NPR religiously, and read voraciously (even if I do spend a lot of time reading shit novels like the Sookie Stackhouse series). Sarah from Real World Philadelphia closely matched my academic field and interests, and she turned out to be a total snooze, often casting her roommates aside for a more creative crowd. Since then, The Real World has yet to cast another English major.

2. I'm not a homophobe. As proven by homophobic but possible-homosexual (and thus self-loathing, potential gay man) Ryan from New Orleans among many others, placing intolerant people in a house with a stereotype of the group of people he/she cannot stand makes instant television gold. This formula has been rehashed by the Real World group for countless seasons, and it still doesn't bore me.

3. I'm Asian. The last Asian to be featured on The Real World was San Diego's Jamie Chung, who later went on to be a D-list movie star. In a possible move to prevent the world from seeing films like "Sorority Row," the casting crew of The Real World series has refused to place another Asian face in the show. I prefer this reasoning, because the other (and most obvious) would be that The Real World is racist.

4. I don't have a drug addiction/abusive boyfriend/rough home life/crazy religious upbringing.

5. I'm not a nymphomaniac.

6. I'm not straight edge or a religious celibate either.

7. I'm too old.

*This really comes at a shock to most people, but my parents didn't get cable I was in college. This probably explains why I consume cable television voraciously.
OMG, I think the bird outside my window is having sex because the chirping noises just got REALLY FAST, GROSS!!!!!




top. Zara
pants. Zara
jacket. Zara
shoes. Balenciaga
Fuck me for wearing all Zara.