Saturday, March 21, 2009

if sex was made into a dress...

This fall, there will most likely be a wedding in which the majority of the guests will be bankers and doctors. In other words, the world's two most boring groups of people will amass under one roof in what could potentially be the most painful day of my life. The only thing that's been saving me from plotting to throw myself in front of a bus in order to have a plausible excuse of missing that wedding is the dress of absolute sex that Alexander Wang made for spring '09. (Yes, I know I've griped about him, but I'm also a shameless hypocrite.)

It's given me quite the run around. A fiasco with eluxury.com made me miss out on my first chance, and an e-mail to Creatures of Comfort (who has great customer service, by the way) proved fruitless. I attempted to curb my jealousy when Luxirare featured the coveted possession on her blog, but the green monster got the best of me when Kanye's stripper-turned-highclass escort was seen walking around Paris with the beautiful mess of coiled swirls. Oh, NO SHE DIDN'T.

So I grit my teeth and called my local Barney's Co-Op and demanded that the bitches who worked there actually pull their weight and hunt down this dress. I suppose it helped that the slowed economy got their asses in high gear, and they found a size 2 waiting for my greedy hands in Beverly Hills. A week and my entire tax return check later, I am now ready to greet the prematurely balding, Napoleonic complex masses who use pick-up lines learned in 3rd grade come September. I'll just need a bottle of vodka and a year's worth of cigarettes.

P.S. Ji, I too would like to know what stick monster can fit into a size 0. The sleeves on the dress are super tiny, and the fabric isn't very forgiving for any type of chubbs anywhere. Maybe the cocaine-addled Nicole Richie might have fit into the 0, but I can't be 100% sure about that either.

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15 comments:

  1. That dress is pure sex! I can't wait to see what you wear with it! Totally worth that tax return check! :-)

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  2. OOOH! I really do love this dress. I could never pull it off, but I can't wait to see how you wear it! =)

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  3. holeysmackingsmoles, when i saw it on whatshername... my jaw dropped. everything about her being a stripper immediately melted away, that dress is to be reckoned with.

    oh i cannot wait to see you in it!

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  4. Ooooh you got that dress!! It'll look amazing on you =) great buy!

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  5. hahhahahahahahhaah oh my god, I love that you got this dress and I honestly don't understand why you were even jealous!! You are going to look 1000 times better in this.

    This entry is so funny, while I was reading it I have to agree about the hypocrisy over wang. I don't get why he's such a big deal. I've been wearing his clothes since he first came out and now I just have to laugh at everyone who is just started to thin he is so cool. But fantastic pieces are FANTASTIC pieces regardless of who designed it, we're not hypocrites were just objective.

    Can't wait to see you wear it!

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  6. i can't believe you bashed a. wang! it's all about the look and the vibe of the clothes, not the actual pieces. he created a whole new style and a following.

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  7. Haha I'll be honest and say that I was surprised that you got this dress and that I've also been secretly wanting a sheer dress! :)

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  8. :O THE SEX! Congratulations on hunting the dress down dear. And wow, what a humdrum of a wedding, but at least you'll be rocking it in style and there's free food/drink :)

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  9. OMIGOD I NEED MODELING PICS!!!

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  10. superbly amusing post and achingly cool dress!

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  11. dress is GREAT, but i feel ya on how designers don't understand the meaning of "forgivable fabrics..."

    -www.closetremedy.blogspot.com

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  12. Ahahaha I know love/hate relationship with Mr. Wang all too well. You KNOW Kanye dragged that bald-headed mess to Colette as soon as they landed in Paris cause he wasn't trying to have her caught in booty shorts and a cut-off wifebeater sitting front row at Givenchy. Congrats on the sick purchase.

    xJessica

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